Sharing secrets with Mom

[william_kent]

William is fourteen when he finally realizes something is different. He's always known that he's different because of needing blood, like his mother does, and the alien aspects he gets from his father, but this is something else.

He returns from school, quiet as usual, but hoping that his siblings aren't around so he can talk to Mom alone.

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[slayers_desire]

April has shown the children her home universe. All of them have known where she came from.

"Of course I have. I found my happiness here." First Clark. Then her children.

[william_kent]

William goes quiet for a moment. "Mom... how did you know when you were interested in Dad?" he asks eventually.

[slayers_desire]

A small smile appeared on her face when she remembered. "I was attracted to him at first sight. I never knew how deep it would get..."

"Not until I was concerned for his well-being. And he for mine..."

[william_kent]

"But how did you know? That you were interested in... guys." He knows that she won't judge him for anything that he says, but he's still so cautious and introverted.

[slayers_desire]

"The way just looking at him made me feel. Like I was alive. Like I was walking on air."

"The vampire inside me desired him, just as much." April is a little cautious in how much she tells him. He is still only 14.

But he needs to know a little about his vampire heritage too. "I wanted to bite him. Taste him."

[william_kent]

He's quiet for a few minutes, absorbing that. And he hesitates to speak, but he knows that she'll understand. "I've been... wanting that, sometimes."

[slayers_desire]

"Biting someone?" April can sense that is the source of his quietness.

"Tell me about him." And yes, she uses the term him.

[william_kent]

"...he's... in my writing class." It's a bit of a jolt for her to get right to the heart of the matter, but she knows her kids. "We've worked on a couple of projects together. I proofread his papers, we do some studying together."

[slayers_desire]

"I can't imagine how difficult that is. Sitting so close. Smelling him everyday." April only saw Clark randomly after they first met.

"How long have you had the urges?"

[william_kent]

"I don't know. A couple of weeks. I didn't know what it was at first." He's always gotten his blood in his food, or drink, never from a living creature. Especially not a person. And when he realized that was what he was feeling, he was initially horrified. What kind of monster would want to bite another person? Especially one that they like?

But... knowing that it isn't quite that way, that it's not a bad thing, that makes things a little different.

[slayers_desire]

"You have never feed off a person before." April has sheltered him from that experience.

"You know how you feel when you drink blood... that elation. That fullfillment. How good it feels?"

"It becomes a hundred times better getting it fresh. And the thing you must understand William..." April gently touches his hand. A little nervous about telling him about this. "It is a sensual feeling. One that can make you lose control."

[william_kent]

That scares him a bit. "I don't want to kill anyone."

[slayers_desire]

"You can gain control. You can take without killing."

"I have."

[william_kent]

"But what if I can't?" William bites his lip for a moment, not quite hard enough to draw blood. "And what if... he thinks I'm a freak? He'd never want to let me." He doesn't know that for sure, but he imagines most people would be wary about it.

[slayers_desire]

"That is going to be difficult William. I am not going to lie to you... I was so worried about Clark accepting my nature."

"Does he like you? Let's start there..."

[william_kent]

"I... we're friends? I mean we hang out a lot, but we've never... I didn't want to say anything." He's found it so hard to make friends, and it scares him to think he might lose one if he confessed how he feels and was rejected. Things would never be the same.

And... "I've kind of been... avoiding hanging out with him. Since I started wanting to bite him." It sounds so weird to even be saying that.

[slayers_desire]

"He must wonder why you are avoiding him now." April doesn't blame William for taking this route. Protecting himself.

"We could train in the vampireworld. They could help you."

[william_kent]

"I know." And it hurts to see the look on his friend's face when William passes by without saying more than hello, but he's just so scared about how he might react. Times have changed from how they used to be, but there are still plenty of people around who still cling to the old attitudes about sexuality.

"You think they'd want to?"

[slayers_desire]

April can almost picture that hurt look that William thinks about. And it pains her to know her son is so scared.

Scared to be himself.

"Of course they would want to."

[william_kent]

"Even though I'm... even though I don't feel that way about girls?"

[slayers_desire]

"William. They won't care. Your grandfather..." April smiled softly. "Had a love-hate relationship with his GrandSire, Angel."

"Jamie. Justine. Mykal. Sophie. Shasta. None of them will judge you on who you like."

[william_kent]

"What if Derek does?" he asks, naming his friend for the first time.

[slayers_desire]

"If Derek judges you... then he is not the one William." April really hopes that he avoids heartbreak. But knows that she can't control such things.

[william_kent]

William's too young to know what love really is, whether this is just teenage infatuation as his hormones wake up, or if it's something more real. But of course he doesn't know that. "I'm scared to tell him."

[slayers_desire]

"No one is going to force you to tell him anything William." April has always allowed her children to make decisions for themselves. When to tell someone about their abilities. Their heritage.

"But you are not alone. Not anymore."